Nice jokes
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butcherman
Moderator
Look you have a dorry
EFJ
Moderator
Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area ?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn i nto a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned It to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area ?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn i nto a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned It to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
EFJ
Moderator
EFJ
Moderator
Just for the start of the rugby season.
I heard that the bulls are still 2 players short. Found them playing in the mud.
I heard that the bulls are still 2 players short. Found them playing in the mud.
EFJ
Moderator
Jan van Brakpan bel die tandarts.
"More Dokter, wat kos dit om 'n tand te trek?"
"Die totale koste sal R285 wees."
"Blinde #%$&*!^%&! Hoekom so duur?"...
"Ons moet eers konsulteer, dan n x-straal neem, en dan kan ons eers trek."
"Wat sal die prys wees as ons die konsultasie en die x-ray skip?"
"Jong, dit bring 'n bietjie risiko mee maar sal die prys afbring na R157."
"En as ons dit sonder verdowing doen?"
"Dit is nie gewone praktyk nie en gaan bitter seer wees, maar sal 'n verdere R20 goedkoper wees."
"Wat van as een van jou trainees die tand trek?"
"Ek kan dan nie professionaliteit waarborg nie, maar dit sal die koste verminder na R75."
"Nog beter, hoekom laat ons nie een van jou studente die tand trek nie terwyl die ander studente toekyk as deel van hulle opleiding?"
"Dit sal goed wees vir die studente, maar dit kan baie traumaties raak vir die pasient. Sou ons hierdie roete gaan sal ek jou slegs R10 vra."
"Nou praat jy my taal my tjomma! Kan ons dan 'n afspraak bevestig vir my vrou vir Dinsdag-oggend 9-uur?
"More Dokter, wat kos dit om 'n tand te trek?"
"Die totale koste sal R285 wees."
"Blinde #%$&*!^%&! Hoekom so duur?"...
"Ons moet eers konsulteer, dan n x-straal neem, en dan kan ons eers trek."
"Wat sal die prys wees as ons die konsultasie en die x-ray skip?"
"Jong, dit bring 'n bietjie risiko mee maar sal die prys afbring na R157."
"En as ons dit sonder verdowing doen?"
"Dit is nie gewone praktyk nie en gaan bitter seer wees, maar sal 'n verdere R20 goedkoper wees."
"Wat van as een van jou trainees die tand trek?"
"Ek kan dan nie professionaliteit waarborg nie, maar dit sal die koste verminder na R75."
"Nog beter, hoekom laat ons nie een van jou studente die tand trek nie terwyl die ander studente toekyk as deel van hulle opleiding?"
"Dit sal goed wees vir die studente, maar dit kan baie traumaties raak vir die pasient. Sou ons hierdie roete gaan sal ek jou slegs R10 vra."
"Nou praat jy my taal my tjomma! Kan ons dan 'n afspraak bevestig vir my vrou vir Dinsdag-oggend 9-uur?
EFJ
Moderator
EFJ
Moderator
Three fathers are talking about their sons. The first father says, "my son is a successful doctor. He is so rich, he just bought his best friend a Lamborghini". The second father said, "my son is a successful hedge fund manager. He is so rich he bought his friend a Yacht". The third father says , "my son is a CEO of a big company. He is so rich he just bought his friend a Castle". Right then a forth father walks in and asks what they're talking about. The other three fathers say, "we're talking about our successful sons, what does yours do?". The fourth father say, "well my son is a gay stripper". The other three fathers say, "oh wow, you must be really disappointed". The fourth father replies with, "well not really well. His three boyfriends just bought him a Lamborghini, a Yacht and a Castle".
