Brave Men Jokes

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by lIghty, 4 Feb 2009.

  1. lIghty

    lIghty

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    VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES ---

    How do you turn a fox into an elephant?

    Marry It!

    What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

    A battery has a positive side.

    What are the three fastest means of communication?

    1) Television
    2) Telephone
    3) Telawoman

    How are fat girls and mopeds alike?

    They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.

    What should you give a woman who has everything?

    A man to show her how to work it.

    Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?

    Because you could easily fit another pair of t
    * ts in there.

    How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?

    Put a nipple on it.

    Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?

    Because they don't have balls to scratch.

    Why did God create woman ?

    To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.

    Why do women fake orgasms ?

    Because they think men care.

    What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?

    Nothing, she's been told twice already.

    If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?

    Made her chain too long

    How many men does it take to open a beer?

    None. It should be opened when she brings it.

    Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

    Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

    Why do women have smaller feet than men?

    It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

    How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

    When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'

    How do you fix a woman's watch?

    You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

    Why do men pass gas more than women?

    Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

    If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

    The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

    What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?

    A woman who won't do what she's told

    I married a Miss Right.

    I just didn't know her first name was Always.

    Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
    90%..
    It's called a Wedding Cake.

    Why do men die before their wives?

    They want to.

    Women will never be equal to men..

    until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
     
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  3. lIghty

    lIghty Thread Starter

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    Mods, Please edit if you feel necessary.
     
  4. Mike

    Mike Retired Moderator

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    no need, i feel sure the lady members of this forum will sort it for you:whistling:
     
  5. scubaninja

    scubaninja

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    Wasn't this posted before?
    Posted via Mobile Device
     
  6. ben lloyd

    ben lloyd

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    oh!! boy brave indeed I'm going to read it to my wife so if i don't post tomorrow then you know I'm dead!
     
  7. lIghty

    lIghty Thread Starter

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    Thats what I'm worried about!:lol:
     
  8. ben lloyd

    ben lloyd

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    this is the replay from my wive when a forward this to here.
    Dear Lord i pray 4 wisdom 2 understand my man , love 2 forgive him, and Patience 4 his moods,cos Lord if i pray for strength, I'll beat him 2 death
     
  9. viper357

    viper357 Admin MASA Contributor

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    :lol: :lol: :lol: That was a good laugh.
     
  10. chikaboo

    chikaboo

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    A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

    She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

    The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

    The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

    Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

    The woman said, "That's okay."

    For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

    The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".

    The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."

    So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

    For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

    The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."

    The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

    So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

    The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."





    Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.



    Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

    Male readers: Please scroll down.

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    The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife .



    Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.



    Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show



    PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!



    Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humour.
     
  11. chikaboo

    chikaboo

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    A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

    The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

    So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

    The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

    They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

    They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

    On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

    There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
     
  12. lIghty

    lIghty Thread Starter

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    True Chika
     
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