Very Brave Men Jokes

Discussion in 'General Off Topic chats' started by Warr7207, 26 Apr 2008.

  1. Warr7207

    Warr7207

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    [FONT=&quot]*How do you turn a fox into an elephant? *
    *Marry it ! *
    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]


    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]*What is the difference between a battery and a woman? *
    *A battery has a positive side. *
    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]


    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]*How are fat girls and mopeds alike? *
    *They're both fun to ride until your friends find out. *
    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]*What should you give a woman who has everything? *
    *A man to show her how to work it. *
    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]

    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]*How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? *
    *Put a nipple on it. *
    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]


    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]*Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? *
    *Because they don't have balls to scratch. *
    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]*Why do women fake orgasms ? *
    *Because they think men care. *
    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]


    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]*What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? *
    *Nothing, she's been told twice already. *
    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]


    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]*If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong? *
    *Made her chain too long *
    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]


    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]*How many men does it take to open a beer? *
    *None. It should be opened when she brings it. *
    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]


    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]*Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? *
    *Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. *
    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]


    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]*Why do women have smaller feet than men? *
    *It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. *
    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]


    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]*How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? *
    *When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...' *
    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]


    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]*How do you fix a woman's watch? *
    *You don't. There is a clock on the oven. *
    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]


    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]*Why do men pass gas more than women? *
    *Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. *
    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]


    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]*If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? *
    *The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. *
    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]


    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]*What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? *
    *A woman who won't do what she's told *
    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]


    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]*I married a Miss Right. *
    *I just didn't know her first name was Always. *
    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]


    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]*Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. *
    *It's called a Wedding Cake. *
    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]


    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]*Why do men die before their wives? *
    *They want to. *
    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]


    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]*Women will never be equal to men... *
    *until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. *[/FONT]




    [FONT=&quot]*In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. *
    *Then God created Man and rested. *
    *Then God created Woman.*
    *Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.[/FONT]
     
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  3. gaz19

    gaz19

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    classic:lol:
     
  4. Mike

    Mike Retired Moderator

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    Dear Mrs Warr,
    I just wondered if you would be interested in some of your husbands new ideas.........................;)
     
  5. crispin

    crispin

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    hmmmm this is printable.....i think mrs warr will curtail his reef spending though!
     
  6. Tom

    Tom

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    Lol! :D
     
  7. Mekaeel

    Mekaeel Moderator

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    :rofl:
    dont let the wife read that dude,you gonna get F^#*$#% up
     
  8. crispin

    crispin

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    hmmm mr and mrs are comming round for a three course meal tonight. butternut and coconut soup, roast lamb and self saucing chocolate spunges. i think i will print this thread, you know just as a talking point:)
     
  9. Mike

    Mike Retired Moderator

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    A written report and video/picture evidence of your untimely death would be interesting.:)
     
  10. crispin

    crispin

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    haha, i'm the farmer, with the shot gun...he is the biker boy who wants a nennie.....feeling safe at the mo:)
     
  11. Kanga

    Kanga Retired Moderator

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    Hey Warr thanks for the better living guidelines:peroni:
     
  12. Reaper

    Reaper

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    Whoa - imagine having a date you don't like very much, just whip out these jokes and see how quickly she dives away...LOL
     
  13. OP
    Warr7207

    Warr7207

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    Hey Reaper, where have you been ?

    Welcome back
     
  14. Reaper

    Reaper

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    Yeah, I've been away far too long, hey. Tell you what - I'll start a new thread on it... as if anyone wants to hear my old story, lol
     
  15. OP
    Warr7207

    Warr7207

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    That is a great idea
     
  16. Mike

    Mike Retired Moderator

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    I second that, nice to see you back:)
     
  17. Tom

    Tom

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    Welcome back Reaper. :D
     
  18. Kanga

    Kanga Retired Moderator

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    Welcome back Reaper we missed you man
     

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