The food taster

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Mike, 13 Jun 2009.

  1. Mike

    Mike Retired Moderator

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    NOTE:

    Please take time to read this excerpt slowly.

    If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better.

    For those of you who have lived in Natal, you know how typical this is!

    They actually have a Curry Cook-off about June/July.

    It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Royal Show in PMB.

    Judge #3 was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was visiting from America.


    Frank: "Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a Curry Cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and so I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Beer Garden when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Natal Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted".



    Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

    NATAL CURRY CONTEST>

    CURRY # 1 - SEELAN'S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY...

    Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

    Judge # 2 -- Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

    Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy ****, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy.



    CHILI # 2 - PHOENIX BBQ CHICKEN CURRY...

    Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chili tang.

    Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

    Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre! They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.



    CURRY # 3 - SHAMILA'S FAMOUS "BURN DOWN THE GARAGE" CURRY...

    Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick.

    Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of chili peppers.

    Judge # 3 -- Call 911. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drain Cleaner. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting pissed from all the beer.



    CHILI # 4 - BABOOS BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY...

    Judge # 1 -- Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.

    Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry.

    Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Shareen, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 200kg woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?



    CHILI # 5 LALL'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...

    Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

    Judge # 2 -- Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit the chili peppers make a strong statement.

    Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Shareen saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them



    CHILI # 6 - VERISHNEE'S VEGETARIAN VARIETY...

    Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spices and peppers.

    Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

    Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I am definitely going to **** myself if I fart and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Shareen. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone ice cream.



    CHILI # 7 - SELINA'S "MOTHER-IN-LAW'S-TONGUE" CURRY...

    Judge # 1 -- A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.

    Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. (I should take note at this stage that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably).

    Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. Ive lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least, during the autopsy, theyll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing - it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.



    CHILI # 8 - NAIDOOS TOENAIL CURLING CURRY...

    Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending. This is a nice blend curry. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

    Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced curry. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor man, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot curry?

    Judge # 3 - No Report
     
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  3. chikaboo

    chikaboo

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    Can't laugh anymore!:lol::rofl:
     
  4. riyadhessa

    riyadhessa

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    :lol::lol::lol:...
     
  5. scubaninja

    scubaninja

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    Awesome:)
    Posted via Mobile Device
     
  6. Tony

    Tony

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    I just love the names of those curries
     
  7. RUAN

    RUAN

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    lol:lol:
     
  8. jacquesb

    jacquesb Retired Moderator

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    LOL! And even posted by MIKE! WOW! Mike, where the heck would YOU have gotten this funny stuff??!?!??!?! ;)
     
  9. Kavir

    Kavir

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    Lol that's a classic, yet So true.

    A mild kzn or cape curry is = hot gp curry.
     
  10. jacquesb

    jacquesb Retired Moderator

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    So - who LOVES chillies? I DO!
     
  11. Mike

    Mike Thread Starter Retired Moderator

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    We get all the best stuff in the Motherland you know;)
     
  12. Kavir

    Kavir

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    Lol wot a lie. The meat and weather is lousy, the price of ciggies (fags) r ridiculous in 2005 it was £5 somethin a pack of 20s:-o.
     
  13. Kavir

    Kavir

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    I got some lekker hubaneros if u want, it's real fire! Think judge #3 would of died! Lol
     
  14. jacquesb

    jacquesb Retired Moderator

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    Sounds awesome Kavir! I LOVE habanero's! ;)
     
  15. Kavir

    Kavir

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    Wen ever u in Pta give us a shout. These r crushed and frozen hubies, but still pack a powerful punch
     
  16. Mike

    Mike Thread Starter Retired Moderator

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    Maybe, but we have electricity 24/7, we also have civilization here too - ask Viper, he just moved over - it's safe to walk the streets without a gun;)
     
  17. viper357

    viper357 Admin MASA Contributor

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    :thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:
     
  18. Kavir

    Kavir

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    Lol Ya u right abt the safe part it's like u on big brother wit all the cctv on every street corner.
    Ur summer only has abt 3 to 4 weeks of good Sun shine Lol. Oh 1 more thing, we dont import biltong it's available everywhere :p
     
  19. Mike

    Mike Thread Starter Retired Moderator

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    We prefer fresh meat, cctv means i can walks the streets on my own at any time day or night;) and we are currently enjoying our 7th week of hot sunshine - don't be fooled by silly jokes about other countries;)
     
  20. viper357

    viper357 Admin MASA Contributor

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    You'd be surprised at the amount of South African shops and South African butchers over here selling fresh wors and biltong, there's 4 within about 30 minutes driving distance of me.:thumbup:
    Amen to that, for the first time in about 20 years I feel comfortable taking an evening walk to the shops without having my shotgun strapped to my back and a 9mm strapped to each leg.:lol:

    And there's no taxi's :yeahdude:
     
  21. Kavir

    Kavir

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    7th week of Sun shine? Yoh seems like my yrs that side were the bad yrs then, only had abt 4weeks of total Sun shine. I stayed in stratford upon avon and had to travel to bermingham to pick up some good old Sa things. How long url been that side?
     
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