Qantas Airlines

Discussion in 'The Sump' started by martin, 13 Jul 2009.

  1. martin

    martin Reef Adict

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    What makes these even funnier is that they are real!!>After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet'which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanicscorrect the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P)and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has NEVER had an accident.>
    > P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    > S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
    >
    > P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.>
    > P: Something loose in cockpit.> S: Something tightened in cockpit.>
    > P: Dead bugs on windshield..> S: Live bugs on back-order.
    >
    > P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
    > S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
    >
    > P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    > S: Evidence removed.>
    > P: DME volume unbelievably loud.> S: DME volume set to more believable level.>
    > P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    > S: That's what friction locks are for.
    >
    > P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    > S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.>
    > P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    > S: Suspect you're right.>
    > P: Number 3 engine missing.> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
    >
    > P: Aircraft handles funny... (I love this one!)> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
    >
    > P: Target radar hums.> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
    >
    > P: Mouse in cockpit.> S: Cat installed.>
    >
    And the best one for last...>
    > P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    > S: Took hammer away from midget.
     
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  3. Mekaeel

    Mekaeel Moderator MASA Contributor

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    :lol: Excellent
     
  4. scubaninja

    scubaninja

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    hahaha brilliant :)
    Posted via Mobile Device
     
  5. jacquesb

    jacquesb Retired Moderator

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    WOW! Now that is REALLY REALLY REALLY FUNNY! Long time since I laughed this loud, and the people at work asked me: "why you laughing" ;)
     
  6. RUAN

    RUAN

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    lol:p
     
  7. Kavir

    Kavir

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    Ah these are truly hilarious.
     
  8. riyadhessa

    riyadhessa

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    LMAO...
     
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