Prime minister Brown dies

Discussion in 'General Off Topic chats' started by Mike, 4 Feb 2008.

  1. Mike

    Mike Retired Moderator

    12 May 2007
    Likes Received:
    the Motherland
    [FONT=arial, helvetica, sans-serif]While on his morning walk, Prime Minister Gordon Brown falls over, has a heart attack and dies because the accident and emergency dept at his nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time.

    So his soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.

    "Welcome to Heaven," says Saint Peter, "Before you settle in, it seems
    there is a problem. We seldom see a Socialist around these parts, so
    we're not sure what to do with you."

    "No problem, just let me in; I'm a good Christian; I'm a believer," says
    the PM.

    "I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from God Himself. He
    says that since the implementation of his new HEAVEN CHOICES policy, you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where you'll live for eternity."

    "But I've already made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," replies Brown.

    "I'm sorry .. But we have our rules," Peter interjects. And, with that,
    St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down ...all the way to Hell.

    The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course.
    The sun is shining in a cloudless sky. The temperature is a perfect 22C
    degrees. In the distance is a beautiful club-house. Standing in front of
    it is Harold Wilson and thousands of other Socialist luminaries who had
    helped him out over the years --- John Smith, Michael Foot, Jim
    Callaghan, etc. The whole of the Labour Party leaders were there ..
    Everyone laughing, happy, and casually but expensively dressed.

    They run to greet him, to hug him and to reminisce about the good times
    they had getting rich at the expense of 'suckers and peasants.'

    They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.
    The Devil himself comes up to Brown with a frosty drink, "Have a tequila
    and relax, Gord!"

    "Uh, I can't drink anymore, I took a pledge," says Brown, dejectedly.

    "This is Hell, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry and
    it just gets better from there!"

    Brown takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks
    is a really very friendly bloke who tells funny jokes like himself and
    pulls hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like the ones the Labour Party
    pulled with the European Constitution and the Education, Immigration,
    Tough on Crime promises.

    They are having such a great time that, before he realises it, it's time
    to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Brown steps on the
    elevator and heads upward.

    When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and Saint Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says,
    opening the gate.

    So for 24 hours Brown is made to hang out with a bunch of honest,
    good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things
    other than money and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or
    short-arse joke among them. No fancy country clubs here and, while the
    food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all
    poor. He doesn't see anybody he knows and he isn't even treated like
    someone special!

    "Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself. "Harold Wilson never prepared me for this!"

    The day done, Saint Peter returns and says, "Well, you've spent a day in
    Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for Eternity."

    With the 'Deal or No Deal' theme playing softly in the background, Brown reflects for a minute ... Then answers: "Well, I would never have
    thought I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all --
    but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends."

    So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell.

    The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren
    scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial wasteland,
    looking a bit like the eroded, rabbit and fox affected Australian
    outback, but worse and more desolate.

    He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained
    together, picking up the roadside rubbish and putting it into black
    plastic bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands
    black with grime.

    The Devil comes over to Brown and puts an arm around his shoulder." I
    don't understand," stammers a shocked Brown, "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a club-house and we ate lobster and caviar and drank tequila. We lazed around and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!"

    The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly and purrs, "Yesterday we were
    campaigning; today you voted for us!"[/FONT]
  2. Guest

  3. viper357

    viper357 Admin MASA Contributor

    4 May 2007
    Likes Received:
    Having some problems with Mr Brown are you?
  4. OP

    Mike Retired Moderator

    12 May 2007
    Likes Received:
    the Motherland

    turn the swear filter off and i will tell you:whistling:
  5. Shaun

    Shaun Retired Moderator

    29 Aug 2007
    Likes Received:
    Somebody must like him, as they must have voted him in:thumbup:

    Sounds like SA, promise to give people that basics. Now we have power problems and very soon we will be on water rations. (few people know we have a serious water problem, it may be worse than power)
  6. Hill


    8 May 2007
    Likes Received:
    Ha Ha typical politicians.
  7. jacquesb

    jacquesb Retired Moderator

    29 May 2007
    Likes Received:
    Cape Town
  8. Warr7207


    28 Dec 2007
    Likes Received:
    Brown, is he a Scotsman or English ?
  9. moz


    30 Jul 2007
    Likes Received:
    Port Elizabeth
    No self respecting Scotsman would take the job, so he's either English or maybe Welsh. Speaking of the English and Welsh, enjoy the Rugby, Wee-Man.
  10. OP

    Mike Retired Moderator

    12 May 2007
    Likes Received:
    the Motherland
    Nope, no-one voted him in, the other scumbag retired and he was left in charge.

    Scotsman, as was the previous PM

    No, not really, though with any luck Balshaw won't get picked again

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