Marriage...

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Tobes, 1 Jul 2009.

  1. Tobes

    Tobes Retired Moderator

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    Marriage (Part l)

    Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the​
    wedding,
    he laid down the following rules:
    "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want
    and I
    don'texpect any hassle from you. I expect a greatdinner to be on table
    unless I tell you that I won't be home for
    dinner.I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing
    and card-playing when I want with my
    old buddies

    and don't you give me a hard time about it.​
    Those are my rules. Any comments?"
    His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that
    there

    will be sex here at seven o'clock every night..........whether you'rehere or not."

    (DAMM SHE'S GOOD!)
    ************************************

    Marriage (Part II)


    Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
    anniversary!

    The husbandyells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone thatreads:
    "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever"
    "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
    reads:
    "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"

    (HE ASKED FOR IT!)
    ******************************

    Marriage (Part III)


    Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast
    table.

    Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bedeither,"

    and storms out of the house.​
    After sometime, he realizes he was nasty
    and decides to make amends
    andrings her up. She comes to the phone

    after many rings, and the irritated husband says, ​

    "what took you so long to answer the
    phone?"
    She says, "I was in bed.."
    "In bed this early, doing what?"
    "Getting a second opinion!"

    (YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)
    ******************************************

    Marriage (Part IV)


    A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

    He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,

    "Mother of​
    Six" in spite of her objections.One night, they go to a party.

    The man decides that it's time to go​
    homeand wants to find out if

    his wife is ready to​
    leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home
    'Mother of Six?'
    His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right
    back,
    "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

    (RIGHT ON, LADY!)
    **************************************

    Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment


    A man and his wife were having some problems at home

    and were giving​
    each other the silent treatment. Suddenly,the man realized

    that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him​
    at 5:00 AM

    for an early morning business flight.​
    Not wanting to be the first
    to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote
    ona piece of paper,
    "Please wake me at 5:00 AM."

    He left it where he
    knewshe would find it.

    The next morning, the man woke up,
    only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
    he had missed his flight.
    Furious, he was about to go and see why
    his
    wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

    The paper said,
    "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
     
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  3. FransSny

    FransSny

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  4. Jaak

    Jaak

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