Make my day

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Electrician24, 12 Oct 2011.

  1. Electrician24

    Electrician24

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    Juffrou gee wiskunde
    "Jannie verstaan jy alles?" "Sjoe juffrou net so kol kol!" "Watter kol verstaan jy nie, Jannie?" "Fokol juffrou, fokol!"

    Wangspiere

    Wetenskap het bewys dat vrouens se wangspiere SO sterk is dat, as sy dikbek is, hou dit selfs haar bene toe!!

    Rassis

    'n REGTE rassis is iemand wat 'n zebra skiet, en dan net biltong maak van die wit stukke....

    Wat is die top punt van gesuip
    ?

    As jy oor die dansvloer loop vir nog n dop, en jy wen die singles dans kompetisie!

    Seuntjie van drie vra sy ouma
    :
    "Ouma, is jy van karton gemaak?"
    Ouma lag lekker.

    "Haai nee my skat, hoekom vra jy dan nou vir Ouma so?"
    Seuntjie antwoord: "Want Pappa se altyd Ouma is 'n regte ou doos."

    Geduld
    is 'n stadige manier om jou moer heeltemal te strip

    :lol::lol::lol:
     
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  3. mandarin

    mandarin

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    Eina :lol::lol:
     
  4. mandarin

    mandarin

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    Still a Bok Supporter
    ROBBED
    Bokke 9 The Ref 11
    9/11 New York = Bin Ladin
    9/11 World Cup = Bryce Lawrence

    9/11
    BL = Bin Laden
    BL = Bryce Lawrence

    Coincidence ?
     
  5. belindamotion

    belindamotion Google Master

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    Got this in my Yahoo this morning..apparently it was in the Newspaper..don't know whether it was so or not...but someone agrees with you...:p

    THIS APPEARED IN "THE AUSTRALIAN"
    There are no doubt a lot of Australian rugby supporters celebrating our victory over the Springboks yesterday. There are also a number of us that are wondering how on earth we managed to pull it off against a side that dominated possession and territory and lineouts. Now, I don't want to take anything away from the Australian victory... - our boys did perform superbly but on the day the Springboks were, we have to admit, the better side. The boks, as always were magnanimous in defeat with a somewhat pragmatic approach to the result. I wonder what our boys would have said faced with the same situation of blatant incompetence by Mr Bryce Lawrence.
    I support Australia and always will but for those of us that believe in fair play this was a hollow victory. This was very much like fighting a worthy opponent with one arm strapped behind his back - it leaves a bad taste. There were rumours about Mr Lawrence's impartiality before kick-off from a lot of ex pat South Africans now living in Australia but we tend to dismiss these conspiracy theories with a grin. Certainly, Mr Lawrence's performance on the field did nothing to dispel those theories. His performance was nothing short of abysmal. He did not award the bok try because of a dubious forward pass. I have looked and looked and to me, anyway, it did not look forward. Minutes later when the boks once again breached our defences and were well on the way to scoring another try, he called them back for a forward pass. If the first call was contentious, there certainly was nothing wrong with the second one. Here, I must ask - why not use the "eye in the sky"? An impressive expensive piece of equipment that should be used for such decisions.
    He failed to penalise Pocock for slowing the ball down. If we had played like that against the All Blacks, they would not have been so quiet about it. - and rightly so. In the dying minutes of the game he was in full view of at least 2 high tackles by our boys that went unpunished. Any of these transgressions, if properly acted on, would have surely given the game to the Boks with their advantage over territory. To rub salt in the South African wounds, he awarded a high tackle to the Wallabies for a chest high tackle.
    We won, but did we really? Our sport has always been regarded as a "hooligans game played by gentlemen" - If we do not want rugby union to degenerate into a farce that soccer can become we need to make sure that our refs are of suitable calibre. They need to be trustworthy gentlemen.
    Mr Lawrence, I would advise against any planned holidays to South Africa for a couple of years.
    Chris Davis
    The Australian
     
  6. pXius

    pXius

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    Like most I had a chat with one of my mates again today, and as disappointing as it was, even if Lawrence gets a slap on the wrists it won't change anything. Lots of people, and partly myself believe we should have lost against France in in the 2007 WC for similar reasons but here we are 4 years later and the "issue" still exists.

    We'll just have to make peace with the fact that lots of politics are now involved in this sport compared to say, the "less professional" rugby of 1995.
     
  7. Electrician24

    Electrician24 Thread Starter

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    Wanneer is jy common?

    Talita: 16 Maniere om te weet jy is kommin:
    1 Die Halloween pampoen op jou stoep het meer tande as jou girlfriend.
    2 Jou twaalf jarige dogter mag rook by die tafel voor haar kinders.
    3 Jy is al drie keer getroud maar jou skoonouers bly dieselfde.
    4 Jy dink chicks wat nie in jou belangstel nie, bestaan nie.
    5 Jack Daniels is op jou lys van mense wat jy graag wil ontmoet.
    6 Jy dink Dom Perignon is 'n Mafia baas.
    7 Jou vrou se hare het al vasgesit in die ceiling fan.
    8 Jy dink Johnny Walker het die comrades gewen.
    9 Jy het al 'n vuurhoutjie gestrike in jou huis en net die wiele het oorgebly na die ontploffing.
    10 Jy kan nie met jou sweetheart trou nie omdat die wet dit verbied.
    11 Jou toilet papier het bladsy nommers.
    12 Jy het een volledige stel koppies en almal sê Wimpy
    13 Die grootste dorp wat jy al in was, was Boys Town .
    14 Jou werkende TV sit Bo op jou gebreekte TV.
    15 Jy vertel vir almal jy bly in Johannesburg maar dis eintlik Brakpan, Boksburg, Kempton, Benoni.
    16 Jou bure dink jy is 'n speurder want die polisie bring jou altyd huis toe ..
    :1:
     
  8. Electrician24

    Electrician24 Thread Starter

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    Dave this one is for you:thumbup:
    The Miller Lite Drunk

    A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue.
    Doctor: "What happened?"

    Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk on Miller Lite he beats me to a pulp."

    Doctor: "I have a real good remedy for that. When your husband comes home drunk on Miller Lite, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't
    swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed in his Miller Lite stupor."

    Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

    Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came home drunk on Miller Lite, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"

    Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"


    __._,_.___
     
  9. belindamotion

    belindamotion Google Master

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    :rofl::rofl:Love it...!!
     
  10. Afsal

    Afsal

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    someone will be swishing some tea tonight ..... lol @ Belinda
     
  11. belindamotion

    belindamotion Google Master

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    :lol::lol::lol:..I think Hubby is immune..whether it's one or five..he stays sober..:lol::lol::lol:..actually this joke is so true...I might be a female but..WOW..some females just don't know when to zip it..:p
     
  12. seank

    seank

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    :lol::lol:
     
  13. Electrician24

    Electrician24 Thread Starter

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    This is How Tequila Works...

    Any questions?

    [​IMG]

    Nobody explained it this way before...
     
  14. Electrician24

    Electrician24 Thread Starter

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    What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
    The position of the dirt bag.

    What do you call a smart blonde?
    A golden retriever.

    What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
    20 kgs.

    What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
    45 minutes.

    What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

    Through his chest with a sharp knife.

    Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
    Because those men already have boyfriends.

    What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
    After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

    What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
    The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

    What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?

    A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.


    What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
    'Are you sure it's mine?'

    Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    Breasts don't have eyes.



     
  15. Electrician24

    Electrician24 Thread Starter

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    This was written by a guy......it's pretty damn smart.
    Girls/Women -- Please have a sense of humor!


    I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

    FOR EXAMPLE:

    One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

    I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

    So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..

    'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

    She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

    The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

    We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis

    I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all Dear, let's go to the cashier.'

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

    I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

    And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

    Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.......but at least now she knows I'm smarter than her.


    All right Ladies. Forward this if you agree. Hell even if you disagree, forward it anyway.

    Men, forward this if you have BALLS !!!!
     
  16. Evo R

    Evo R

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    Well said!!!!! :thumbup:
     
  17. erratiC

    erratiC

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    LOL! :thumbup:
     
  18. Electrician24

    Electrician24 Thread Starter

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    CHECK THIS OUT:lol:
    [FONT=&quot][/FONT]
     
    Last edited by a moderator: 11 Apr 2016
  19. Keanan

    Keanan 2time

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    :lol::lol::lol:
     
  20. seank

    seank

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    :thumbup:
     
  21. Electrician24

    Electrician24 Thread Starter

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    Afrikaans translation of Shaggy's "It Wasn't Me"
     
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