How Fights Start

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by FransSny, 16 Apr 2010.

  1. FransSny

    FransSny

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    How Fights Start

    My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels.

    She asked, 'What's on TV?'

    I said, 'Dust.'

    And then the fight started...




    ******************************************


    My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed.

    I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

    "No," she answered.

    I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

    She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

    So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

    And then the fight started....






    ******************************************




    Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage.

    I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

    The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

    I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

    I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered,

    "The weather out there is terrible."

    My loving wife of 5 years replied,

    "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

    And that's how the fight started...






    ******************************************







    I rear-ended a car this morning.

    So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

    You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

    Yeah, well I couldn't believe it....

    ....he was a DWARF!!!

    He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,

    "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

    So, I looked down at him and said,

    "Well, then which one are you?"

    And then the fight started.....






    *****************************************







    My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

    She said,

    'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds..'

    I bought her some bathroom scales.

    And then the fight started...






    ******************************************







    When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive...

    ...so, I took her to a petrol station.

    And then the fight started...






    ******************************************







    After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

    The woman behind the counter asked me for my Driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

    I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

    The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

    So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

    She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

    When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

    She said,

    'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

    And then the fight started...






    ******************************************







    My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table

    My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

    'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

    'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

    And then the fight started....






    ******************************************







    I took my wife to a restaurant.

    The waiter, for some reason took my order first.

    "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."

    He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

    Nah, she can order for herself."

    And then the fight started...






    ******************************************







    A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

    She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband,

    "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

    The husband replied,

    'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

    And then the fight started
     
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  3. mandarinman

    mandarinman

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    frans you could start a war with these jokes!
     
  4. Boegie

    Boegie

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    Hoe lekker lag ek nou.
     
  5. JD167

    JD167

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    In my case it would be:

    "I'm doing a water change on the tank today and need to do some maintenance. I can't go to the shops with you."

    And thats how the fight started...
     
  6. FransSny

    FransSny Thread Starter

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    LOL jasper....or "I am am just going to the LFS quickly" And thats how the fight started...
     
  7. keyaam

    keyaam

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    LOL:lol:
     
  8. Rory

    Rory Admin MASA Contributor

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    Mine other day was more like "please brings towels cos we have a bit of a flood"...
     
  9. JD167

    JD167

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    I almost had one of those this morning. My auto top-up pipe somehow came loose and some(not all of the water) leaked on the floor. I thought I had a crack in my sump! I had to quickly get towels to clean it up. None reefer walked in and asked "What's going on!?" After the "Big flood of October 2009", she is a little on edge if she sees water on the floor.
     
  10. keyaam

    keyaam

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    lol. If my wife hears a noise she asks whats that
     
  11. leslie hempel

    leslie hempel Moderator MASA Contributor

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    excellent;)
     
  12. FransSny

    FransSny Thread Starter

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    Most of mine starts with me making a very innocent coment like "Honey, have you seen the new range of skimmers being released....."
     
  13. leslie hempel

    leslie hempel Moderator MASA Contributor

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    does your wife also roll her eyes at that statement?:lol:
     
  14. Rory

    Rory Admin MASA Contributor

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    I actually had some water on the floor this morning... Haven't a clue how it got there because everything was fine except water level a bit low, hope it's not a leak.
     
  15. xtreme

    xtreme

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    LMAO Frans:lol:
     
  16. seank

    seank

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    Very nice Frans. Showed Alida and it was real funny looking at her facial expressions
     
  17. jacquesb

    jacquesb Retired Moderator

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    LOL! This is REALLY REALLY FUNNY Frans! Thanks man! Luckily my stomach does not hurt AS MUCH anymore! ;)
     
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