Help! Serious problem with neighbor!

Discussion in 'The Sump' started by Anemone, 22 Apr 2010.

  1. Anemone

    Anemone

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    I don’t know where to begin but I’m going to give this a shot. I’m about at the end of my rope!

    About a year ago, two brothers, and one female (who is married to one of the brothers) moved in next door to grandma. They are all in their mid to late 40’s. All three have qualified for government assistance because they have been declared not capable of holding a job by the government.

    They live in the same house that my grandmother’s sister lived in for 45 years. The sister had to move away a few years ago and sold the house. This left a huge void in my grandmother’s life, especially since we recently lost my grandfather. My grandparents were married 67 years.

    The oldest brother is brain damaged from a drug deal gone bad! Someone who he owed money to for drugs broke into his house and beat him into a coma. He spent two years in physical rehab over this brain damage. Yes, I have verified that this did happen!

    The youngest brother is not a problem, he never speaks, and I rarely see him. However I suspect that he too has some issues since the government pays him to sit on his butt all day.

    Now to the wife. She has told me that her two daughters are in their 20’s and that the state took them away when they were 2 and 3 years old because she had a drug problem, which she has now stopped. When the two kids became adults they contacted their mom and started a relationship. My neighbor now claims that the daughter tried to poison them by putting bleach in their drink.

    My neighbor also told that me she herself is Schizophrenic and takes medication for it. She has also asked me if she can come over and stay here when her husband and brother-in-law are gone during the day because she is afraid to be alone. Sorry, I’m not your mother!

    In the last year they have been asking my grandmother for money and other miscellaneous things. I put a stop to this when I moved in…..So I thought!

    My grandmother is/was a closet smoker. Apparently she has done this all of her life and was able to keep it from the rest of the family. The only one that she has told is my neighbor. The neighbor openly joked about smoking with my grandmother and taking her for cigarettes before my grandmother became ill with dementia. I have told the neighbors that I don’t want grandma smoking and that they were not allowed to give her cigarettes. It is a threat on both of our lives. I have found and even showed the neighbors the plastic cups that she has used as ash trays! She’s going to burn the damn house down if she continues.

    Grandma is smoking again in the bathroom that I just had painted. She has been caught hiding the butts in the garbage can, under a bunch of papers!!! The only one that would give her cigarettes is the neighbor. No point in asking grandma. She will deny (and has) that she smokes even when I catch her with a lit cigarette in her mouth!!!!! I’ve searched the house and can’t find her smokes. I’ll keep looking!

    I’m afraid that if I talk to the neighbors again I won’t get anywhere. I have asked them not to come over unless they call because if I’m in the shower or bathroom and the door bell rings, grandma will try to answer it, and likely fall. They come over anyway without calling. Today she came over and I told her she had to leave because the nurse was coming to bath grandma. She wouldn’t leave. I had to keep asking her to leave. Then she asks if I have anything cold to drink! I told her no! She ALWAYS wants something cold to drink and ALWAYS needs to use the bathroom. I’m not packing you a road soda and you should have used the bathroom when you left your house 10 seconds ago!!!!

    The weather is starting to get nice here and I feel like I’m a prisoner. If I sit outside they will come over, asking for things. My grandmother thinks they are nice people. They likely were nice to my grandmother since she was giving them money all the time for doing small things around the house. Thankfully grandmother no longer has large amounts of money that she can easily get to. My mother is now in control of that.

    Now before anyone starts flaming me because this person has a mental disorder…. I understand that, and I have honestly tried to be civil, fair and tolerant of them for the sake of peace and my grandmother. However, my life is now in jeopardy. I have to sleep some time! I’d like to do so without the fear of grandma lighting up and burning the house down. I really want to find a way to handle this without causing more problems. Unfortunately, I can’t come up with anything. This woman’s mentality is minimal. She is rude and interrupts people when they are talking. To add to it my grandmother has a dissected aorta. If she gets upset because I won’t let her “friends” come over. Her blood pressure will rise and the aorta could rupture and she will be gone in seconds! We tried putting her on blood pressure meds but her BP went too low and she had to be taken off of the meds.

    Anyone have any ideas? I’ve hit a road block!
     
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  3. leslie hempel

    leslie hempel Moderator MASA Contributor

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    wow anemone, this is a tough one.. i really do sympathyse for your situation as it really cant be comfortble to be in your own home and stress about things out of your controll..

    i doubt something like a restraining order would register with your neighbours and enforcing it would be more likley to prove frustrating and stressful ..

    im at a loss for idea's the best would be to move (admitidley probably not an option)..
     
  4. Anemone

    Anemone Thread Starter

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    Thanks Leslie!

    I doubt the courts would issue a restraining order, and it would be a nightmare to go through. I think here there has to be physical violence involved before the law steps in. There may be something under elderly abuse...I'd have to look into it.

    Moving would be my third move in 11 months. At least I haven't completely unpacked yet! I moved here so that my 90 year old grandmother could live out her remaining days in her own home that she spent most of her life in.
     
  5. Mekaeel

    Mekaeel Moderator MASA Contributor

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    Shame Brenda, you are really going through a hectic patch. I honestly dont know what to tell you.
     
  6. magman

    magman

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    Eish Brenda, sounds like Juliues Malema and his Mugabe family have moved in and taking over everything.

    I doubt the courts will help, what about if you had to go down to the local police station, hopefully you might get an understanding officer and he can advise you. Maybe with the doctor as well, I guess in a sense these Jerry Springer neighbours are encouraging her to smoke. By the sounds of it, they must all have previous records and convictions which the police may use.
    You could move, but your Gran has lived there for so long already.

    Eish, this is a hard one, and I am with you on this, I wish I could give you more advise
     
  7. Anemone

    Anemone Thread Starter

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    I've talked with the Chief of Police. He was a very close friend of my grandfather. Legally he couldn't give me any background information on them. He was very understanding. I was told that I had to catch them in the act. He did say they have always kept an eye on the house and would increase patrol. Which they do, I see them drive by constantly. Often times they are parked down the street watching the house. This is a really small village that grandma lives in. My grandfather lived on the same corner for 89 years. So everybody knew and looked out for them both. At least I have that in my favor!
     
  8. danimal

    danimal

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    Hey Brenda

    That really sucks, I'm sorry! Good luck.
     
  9. jacquesb

    jacquesb Retired Moderator

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    Eish Brenda - really sorry to hear about your neighbour trouble.....

    Perhaps go out of your way to try and get your other neighbours on your side, and try and get them to help you in "catching them in the act".... I would say that you would need more than just yourself and the daily Police patrols, in order for you to overcome this evil.

    Perhaps tell these people that you don't want them on your property at all. If they are scared, they should go to the Police for protection, not to you or yout gran.

    Sorry - more than this I cannot say - I would also perhaps Google your local community laws and bylaws - to see if you can find anything yourself, that would be worth the while to pursue, in order to stop them from coming over and bothering you/your gran.

    IF you can/could - also perhaps involve a lawyer, or a public prosecutor - to see if any of them can perhaps assist with this "situation".....

    Good luck with this..... I am thinking of you and your gran in this time.....
     
  10. Anemone

    Anemone Thread Starter

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    Thanks Jacquesb!

    I personally don’t have a problem telling these people to stay off the property. Trust me, I’ve been wanting to for a few months now. Once I do that and they violate it, they can get arrested if I chose to push the issue. Then it will go to court and the judge will see a woman with the mentality of a 3 year old and drop the charges. The other problem is my grandmother. She believes these people are her friends. It is going to cause huge problems with her. But I think you are right, it is likely the only way to stop it. I just have to figure out the perfect way to do it, and what I am going to tell my grandmother.

    All of my other neighbors are with me on this. A lot of them are also my relatives. My grandfather built most of the houses around here and he only sold them to relatives. He is the only person I knew that could choose his neighbors. He passed away and the neighborhood is going to hell! LOL
     
  11. 459b

    459b Moderator MASA Contributor

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    Sorry to hear about your situation..i too have a gran with dementia.

    I know this might might not seem like the greatest advice but why not let your gran smoke? i would NEVER normally encourage smoking. Seeing as your gran does have dementia and has smoked (apparently) all her life, quiting now might not be an option. If you provide her with cigarettes, you will control how much and when she smokes. This will also cut your grans dependence on, and need to see the neighbours. Perhaps her going over there for a smoke is a sort of rebelion? This way you can also supply ashtrays to prevent a potential catastrophe.
     
  12. Anemone

    Anemone Thread Starter

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    I would let her smoke. I've told her that. I just want to know when and where she is doing it so that I can protect us both. I don't want to find any more melted plastic cups. Every time I mention the smoking she gets upset and will deny that she smokes.....she forgets that I have caught her smoking. Also, there are "vintage" ashtrays all over the house. Grandma prefers the plastic cup where she apparently lays her cigarette down inside of it.

    A friend of mine was over one day when grandma was having a really rough day. To calm her down my friend gave her a cigarette in the bathroom. That was a disaster!

    I don't believe my grandmother was ever a heavy smoker. I believe she is used to having 3 or 4 a day. I know for a fact that the smoking has just started up again recently, which means she hasn't had one since the beginning of November when she went into the hospital. So how much of it is an addiction...I don't know. Relief, comfort, and doing what she is used to doing, yes.
     
  13. 459b

    459b Moderator MASA Contributor

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    Hard to tell. I know my grandmother forgets short term stuff..like what shes done THAT day, yet can recall events from decades ago. She also has started doing things we have never seen her do before which she obviously once did years and years ago.
     
  14. magman

    magman

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    Brenda, can you not get the doctor involved, if the doctor can maybe convince the police that it is in your Grans interests that these junkies must stay away?
     
  15. FransSny

    FransSny

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    Hell Brenda, I see your problem, my whifes grandmother also had dementia and lots of people actually enjoyed taking advantage of that fact.

    Unfortunately I am at a loss of solutions to your problem. If it was SA it would be easy...get a few big reefers, walk over and give them a klap (slap)

    Good luck
     
  16. Anemone

    Anemone Thread Starter

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    My prayers have been answered!

    The neighbors came over tonight to tell us they have been evicted by their landlord. They have 45 days to move.

    While they were here the idiot neighbor tried to sneak smokes to grandma. That didn't go over so well. Both grandma and the neighbors got scolded. They both of course denied what I seen. Later I went over and told the neighbors that if it happens again I will call the police. Since the neighbors were both stumbling drunk, I doubt that my talk to them will do much good! I will remind them again the next time I see them. 45 more days! 45 more days!!!!!
     
  17. jacquesb

    jacquesb Retired Moderator

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    WOW! Just goes to show, hey Brenda! Many problems already has solutions - that you just don't know of yet. You just have to be patient!

    Awesome! I am stoked for you!
     
  18. chikaboo

    chikaboo

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    Great to hear Brenda .... You should take out the cigars to celebrate .... oh wait dont do that .... that's what's the problem at the moment.....MMMMM anways great news!:thumbup:
     
  19. FransSny

    FransSny

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    Glad to hear you got some good news regarding this sticky issue....now just to count down those 45 days
     
  20. Anemone

    Anemone Thread Starter

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    They also said that they have been looking for a place all day. Maybe I’ll get lucky and they will find one really soon. If not, hopefully they will be too busy packing to bother me.



    I’m going to celebrate by sitting outside…peacefully! Maybe I'll actually be able to take a book outside and read it without being interupted! Oh I can't wait!
     
  21. Boegie

    Boegie

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    Just read this thread, Anemone and I am glad that they are moving. Counting the days with you. Just be patient - I am sure you are very patient, being in marine.
     
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