English Language

Discussion in 'The Sump' started by Alan, 27 May 2007.

  1. Alan

    Alan Admin MASA Contributor

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    Ever thought how difficult it is to learn the english language.


    Can you read these right the first time?

    1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
    2) The farm was used to produce produce.
    3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
    4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
    5) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
    6) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
    present the present .
    7) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
    8) I did not object to the object.
    9) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
    10) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .
    11) They were too close to the door to close it.
    12) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
    13) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
    14) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
    15) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
    16) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

    We take English for granted.
    But if we explore its paradoxes, quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are
    square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
    There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in
    pineapple.
    English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
    Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
    Why do writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers
    don't ham?
    If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth?
    One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
    Why can one make amends but not one amend?
    If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
    what do you call it?
    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
    If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

    English is verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and
    play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that
    run and feet that smell?

    How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a
    wise guy are opposites?
    It is a unique lunacy of a language when your house can burn up as it burns
    down, when you can fill in a form by filling it out and when an alarm goes
    off by going on.
    PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"

    English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
    creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
    That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights
    are out, they are invisible.

    There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other
    two-letter word, and that is "UP."
    It's easy to understand UP , meaning toward the sky or at the top of the
    list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting,
    why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for
    election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?
    We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the
    silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the
    house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has
    real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP
    an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be
    dressed UP is special.
    This UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.
    We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
    We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP ! To be knowledgeable about the
    proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized
    dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about
    thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of
    the many ways UP is used.
    It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind
    UP with a hundred or more.
    When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun comes out
    we say it is clearing UP .
    When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it
    doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP .
    One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now time is UP ,
    .......... Time to shut UP .....!
    One more thing:

    What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at
    night?
    U-P.

    Actually, three-quarters of the 'Up's used in the phrases quoted, are really
    quite redundant. i.e. we can, plain and simply, call our friends,
    brighten a room, polish the silver; and clean the kitchen etc. It is
    probably better English anyway.
    But still, the extensive usage of the word 'Up' is incredible and the last
    U-P is cute.
     
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  3. Galibore

    Galibore Retired Moderator

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    A very long read. But true.
     
  4. Mekaeel

    Mekaeel Moderator MASA Contributor

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    weired if you really sit and thing about it hey
     
  5. Smithers

    Smithers

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    Got most of them right, I can like to read good engrish. Interesting read though. I always enjoy the little paradoxes of the english language.
     
  6. sunburst

    sunburst

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    :lol: Excellent
     
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