English in the New South Africa

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by cybervic, 27 Nov 2008.

  1. cybervic

    cybervic

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    Officials of the New South African government have come to realise that
    the current status of having 11 official languages in the New South
    Africa is impractical. A new language was thus introduced. This is
    the English as it is now spoken on television and radio. The recently
    published New Suth Effrican Deekshunry defines these new weds. Here are some
    extracts and examples of their usage in the official New Suth Effrican
    lungwich:

    Bad - you sleep on it in the badroom

    Beds - mossies, doves, etc

    Beg - container, as in shopping beg, hand-beg, tog-beg

    Ben - to set alight

    Chealdren - our future is in their hands

    Chetz - where worshippers go on Sundays

    Cuds - you can play poker or rummy with them

    Cut - a small donkey-drawn vehicle

    Debben - city in KZN

    Deekshunry - where you find weds

    Detty - opposite of clean

    Die'llas - as in drug die'llas or wee-pon die'llas

    Driva - holds the steering wheel of a teksi

    Duck - very duck at night when the lights are all off

    Ebben - you get ebben erriors and rural erriors

    Effrican - from the continent of Africa

    Erriors - districts, e.g. ebbon erriors

    Ewways - eg. SAA, Comair

    Fems - companies, e.g., Anglo-American

    Fest - the one before second and third

    **** - used with nifes

    Fum - you can fum with ship or kettle

    Fumma - he owns the fum

    Guddin - where you grow kebbijees

    Geave - you MUST geave, I WILL take

    Get - a hinged device in a fence

    Hair - as opposed to heem

    Heppi - state of elatement, e.g. I'm so heppi - I just voted

    Hiss - masculine form of hairs

    Hubba - where sheeps dock

    Itch - as in itch and avairy pesson

    Jems - little bugs that give you the flu

    Kah - what you drive around in

    Kennel - ummy officer

    Kebbijees - vegetable

    Keptown - some think parliament doesn't belong there

    Kettegry - in a system of classification

    Kipper - one who kips, as in goal kipper

    Kleenix - where nesses weck

    Kot - where the judges sit

    Len - to acquire knowledge

    Leeda - as in Arwa Leeda, the president

    Lungwich - weds what are spokkin

    Mick - those that will inherit the eth

    Miening - what is the miening of this attack?

    Nesses - they weck in kleenix and hospitals

    Pee pull - powa to da pee pull

    Peppa - one way to get the news

    Pesson - one of pee pull

    Phlegm - the benning top of a kendal

    Pees - symbolised by white dove

    Pees-Tox - between IRA and John Major

    Reeva - e.g. Limpopo, Vaal, Orange

    Regime - anything to describe pre-1994

    Ree kwest - replaced by dee mands

    Rent - N/A - word obsolete

    Scotched Eth - guerilla tactic

    Sheep - big boat

    Shex - houses in squatter camps

    Ship - provider of wool

    **** of Peppa - something to write on

    Shuck-attak - if the shuck-net is brokkin

    Shuck-nets - at Debben, for safety of sweamas

    Spitch - what politicians make at a relly

    Suth - opposite of North

    Sweamas - compete in a sweaming pul

    Teps - solvent to thin enamel paint

    Teck - see geave

    Teksi - kah for hire - sometimes parrot teksi

    Tenning point - the "top" of a parabola

    Thest - ice cold Coke will relieve it on a hot day

    Tipic ally - characteristic

    Tocks - negotiations

    Ufrican - pertaining to Ufrica

    Ummy - military force

    Wee men - ladies

    We pon - a gun

    Wean-dow - with glus for throwing bricks through

    Weaned - Gone with the Weaned

    Weaner - the one with the most votes

    Weckliss - the unemployed pee-pull

    Weds - what the dictionary is made up of

    Wekkas - do the weck

    Weld - the eth

    Wems - small crawly creatures

    Weth - she is weth her weight in gold.
     
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  3. Andreas

    Andreas

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    :lol:So true
     
  4. seank

    seank

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    Classic stuff, I hear these words everyday and battle to understand them, now I do :thumbup:
     
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