Did you hear the news?

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Mike, 10 Oct 2008.

  1. Mike

    Mike Retired Moderator

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    "Did you hear the news? Mark is dead!"

    "Whoa, what the hell happened to him?"

    "Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he
    arrived at my driveway, he was going too fast, couldn't brake properly
    and boom - he hits the curb and the car flips. The car knocks down
    half of my front fence and Mark gets thrown through the sunroof. He
    went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom
    window."

    "What a horrible way to die!"

    "No no, he survived that. That didn't kill him at all. So, he lands in
    my upstairs bedroom, lying on the floor all covered in broken glass.
    Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and
    reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just
    dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing
    down on top of him, crushing him and breaking one arm, three ribs and
    both his legs."

    "What a way to go, that's terrible!"

    "No no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get the
    wardrobe off him and drags himself out onto the landing. He tries to
    pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister
    breaks and he goes falling all the way down to the first floor taking
    the entire banister with him. In mid air, all the broken banister
    poles fall on him and 2 or 3 of them skewer him right through the
    abdomen just like a rotisserie chicken when he landed at the bottom."

    "Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"

    "No no, that didn't kill him. He survived even that. So he's on the
    downstairs floor just outside the kitchen. He crawls in to the
    kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove by but reaching for a
    big pot of boiling hot water, and whoosh, the whole thing comes down
    on him and burns most of his skin off."

    "Man, what a terrible way to go!"

    "No no, he survived that, he survived that ! He's lying on the floor,
    scalded by boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull
    himself up to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and
    pulls the whole thing out of the wall. Water and electricity don't mix
    and so he got electrocuted, wallop, with 220 volts going right through
    him."

    "Now that is one awful way to go!"

    "No no, he survived that, he .."

    "Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?"

    "I shot him!"

    "You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?"

    "He was wrecking my fricking house"
     
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  3. goodisor

    goodisor

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    Good one Mike...Lovely,thanks for sharing that!!!!!! [​IMG]







     
  4. scubaninja

    scubaninja

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    :lol:
     
  5. Warr7207

    Warr7207

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    $1000

    $1000


    If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left. With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000. With AIG, you would have less than $15 left. But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.....
     
  6. Andreas

    Andreas

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    Nice one wee-man:lol:

    :lol:now to go and sell that to the lady:whistling:
     
  7. gemini9241

    gemini9241

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    :lol: shame mike y u living i a crappy house that falls apart :razz::razz:
     
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