An Engineer's Christmas

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by moz, 18 Dec 2008.

  1. moz

    moz

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    There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the
    world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu,
    Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the
    workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million
    (according to the population reference bureau).
    At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to
    108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each.
    Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the
    different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to
    west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second.
    This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child,
    Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump
    down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents
    under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up
    the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get onto the next house.
    Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed
    around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept
    for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78
    miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting
    bathroom stops or breaks.
    This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second - 3,000
    times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man
    made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per
    second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

    The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming
    that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two
    pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting
    Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than
    300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times
    the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them
    - Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not
    counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven
    times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).
    600,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air
    resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a
    spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of
    reindeer would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each.
    In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing
    the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their
    wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26
    thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth
    house on his trip.
    Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating
    from a dead stop to 650 m/s in 0.001 seconds, would be subjected to
    acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems
    ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015
    pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing
    him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did exist,
    he's dead now.
    Merry Christmas
     
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  3. scubaninja

    scubaninja

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    ha ha ha ha ha. merry christmas to that!
     
  4. keyaam

    keyaam

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    :lol:
     
  5. jacquesb

    jacquesb Retired Moderator

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    LOL! And so goes the same too all parents "playing" Christmas Father!
     
  6. seank

    seank

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    Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating
    from a dead stop to 650 m/s in 0.001 seconds, would be subjected to
    acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems
    ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015
    pounds of force,

    He can do it, because he is Santa :razz::razz:
     
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