Alcohol TroubleShooting Guide

Discussion in 'The Sump' started by chikaboo, 29 Jun 2009.

  1. chikaboo

    chikaboo

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    ALCOHOL TROUBLESHOOTING[FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]
    SYMPTOM [/FONT]FAULT ACTION
    [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]Feet cold and wet. [/FONT]Glass being held at incorrect angle. Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
    [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]Feet warm and wet. [/FONT]Improper bladder control. Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]Drink unusually pale and tasteless. [/FONT]Glass empty. Get someone to buy you another drink.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]
    Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.[/FONT] You have fallen over backward. Have yourself lashed to bar.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]
    Mouth contains cigarette butts.[/FONT] You have fallen forward. See above.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]
    Alcohol tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.[/FONT] Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]
    Floor blurred.[/FONT] You are looking through bottom of empty glass. Get someone to buy you another drink.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]
    Floor moving.[/FONT] You are being carried out. Find out if you are being taken to another bar.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]
    Room seems unusually dark. [/FONT]Bar has closed. Confirm home address with bartender.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]
    Taxi suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures. [/FONT]Alcohol consumption has exceeded personal limitations. Cover mouth.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]
    Everyone looks up to you and smiles. [/FONT]You are dancing on the table. Fall on somebody cushy-looking.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]
    Drink is crystal-clear.[/FONT]It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up. Don't argue - drink it.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]
    Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.[/FONT] You have been in a fight. Apologise to everyone you see, just in case it was them.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]
    Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.[/FONT] You've wandered into the wrong party. See if they have free alcohol.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]
    Your singing sounds distorted.[/FONT] The drink is too weak. Have more alcohol until your voice improves.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]
    Don't remember the words to the song.[/FONT] Drink is just right. Play air guitar.[/FONT]
     
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