A cracker!!!!!!!!

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Tobes, 25 Feb 2009.

  1. Tobes

    Tobes Retired Moderator

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    I LOVE MY JOB
    If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma! This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.

    Bob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana
    He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.
    Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.5 on FM dial in Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest.
    Needless to say, she won.

    Read his letter below.

    Hi Sue,
    Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.
    Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucksthe water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.
    Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit.
    This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it.
    This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it, however, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate.
    When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my ass.
    I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted thedive.
    I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't **** for two days because my ass was swollen shut.
    So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ass. Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.' Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

    May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day! !!!!
    Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
     
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  3. Warr7207

    Warr7207

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    Eish, Eish, Eish
     
  4. scubaninja

    scubaninja

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    i hope this never happens to me. thats all i can say
    Posted via Mobile Device
     
  5. Jaak

    Jaak

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    Ha ha ha, that's hectic.
     
  6. jacquesb

    jacquesb Retired Moderator

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    I have read this before! A jelly-fish is a BAD BAD BAD idea.... shame.... poor guy..... up and down the crack!
     
  7. Mike

    Mike Retired Moderator

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    Wow:lol:
     
  8. lIghty

    lIghty

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    eish, he must have felt like an ass after that.... no pun intended.:lol:
     
  9. ben lloyd

    ben lloyd

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    Good one tobes now i feel better
     
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