a good read if u have time

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by crispin, 30 Jan 2009.

  1. crispin


    Posts: 12,223
    22 Jan 2008
    Likes Received:
    Lilliehammer, Norway

    if youve got time its a great read....but doubt timmo will like it too much........


    Eish my Boet - the New Year has barely begun and already the prophets of
    doom are spreading the negativity lekker dik, like Bovril on a braaibrood.
    They klap us with deeply disturbing chirps like the global economic
    meltdown, soaring unemployment, vehicle repossessions, declining property
    values, stock market collapses, recession, depression, deflation, stagnation
    & fornication et al. It's enough to make you naar my bru!

    In spite of all this, I find myself feeling positive, upbeat and even
    (cautiously) optimistic right now. In May 2008 I was gatvol
    <http://www.markbergerspeaks.wordpress.com/> and ready to leave SA. Yet
    today, January 2009, I am feeling much more at peace and actually looking
    forward to the year ahead. This is despite having had my office broken into
    last November and being relieved of my laptop, briefcase, 3 cell phones &
    various digital cameras!

    "Hau" you exclaim, "how is this possible? Has the motivational speaker
    finally lost his last few remaining marbles?"

    Maybe - maybe not. Let me explain. I'm not blind my boet. I know that in
    many ways, things are pretty *** for a whole lot of people. F'rinstance you
    don't want to be an American Auto Worker right now, or a Brit in Financial
    Services, or an Aussie Test Cricket Supporter. Talk about zero options and
    no light out there Boet. It must be terrifying to be retrenched, unemployed
    and anxious with no income and virtually no prospects for any improvement.
    And the reality is that some "things" may still get worse my Bru. This
    cyclical correction has been a long time coming and it won't just fix itself

    But as you know boet, my nature has always been to consciously focus on the
    positive "things", to actively seek out the good stuff going down and then
    focus my attention on that. And then to go out there and make good things
    happen, for myself and others.

    If you open your eyes (and mind) and really look, there is a lot to be
    positive about. In fact, quite a few things are looking much better than
    they were just a few months ago, when the situation really stank. For

    1. I filled my car last night, cost me R 330. A few months ago it cost
    over R 500.

    2. Festive Season road deaths are down a massive 40%. That's right,
    forty percent. Unflippingbelievable! And finally, finally they are fixing
    the Koeberg interchange, Cape Town's most congested piece of tarmac.

    3. We holidayed in Durban over December. Besides awesome Ushakaland,
    Glamorous Gateway, Wacky Wavehouse and Radical RJ's Ribs, the beaches were
    full of smartly outfitted garbage collectors, friendly tourist guides,
    hyperactive life guards and sweaty pink pommie tourists. The whole jol ran
    like clockwork. I was beindruk ek se! Go Durbs!

    4. We klapped the Aussies in the Cricket Test Series! In Aussie nogal.
    Nobody froze or choked. I'm stoked. And Graham Smith went from zero to Hero.

    5. Bafana Bafana actually scored a couple of goals in some of their last
    few matches. Go ouens!

    6. COPE gives me HOPE. Too much power is dangerous and our fledgling
    democracy can only benefit from more opposition for better balance.

    7. Cape Town Mayor Helen Zille was voted the world's best, and she is
    one smart, honest, Teflon Tannie. (Nothing sticks to her.) And what an
    example she is to all politicians.

    8. We have a new minister of health, who seems sort of switched on. And
    Trevor is still pulling the purse strings (Thank goodness!)

    9. Right now, our SA banks are said to be "safer" than the Swiss,
    German, British and American banks. And this is partly because of the
    National credit Act, which gave us so many headaches last year.

    10. We have had some good rainfall and THEY SAY that this should lead to
    lower FOOD PRICES? (Front page of the Sunday Crimes a few weeks ago) I'll
    believe it when I see it, but at least some of the headlines are becoming
    more positive!

    11. Like it or not, 2010 is coming. And my feeling is we will pull it off,
    in typical SA style. There will probably be some hiccups and maybe even some
    big stuffups but overall it is going to be a moerse jol. Buy your tickets
    soon; they apparently start at only R 120 a pop. (But that probably buys you
    a seat in the toilet for the game between Outer Mongolia and Biafra)

    12. Barack Obama - what more can I say. A bruin ou who can GO!

    "Yes Mark," I hear you saying, "this may all be true, BUT what about the
    terrifying realities of Crime, Corruption, Falling standards of Education,
    Global Warming, The Financial Crunch, Zimbabwe, Gaza and Minibus Taxis?"

    My suggestion is this boet:

    GET OFF YOUR BUT'S. Move on. Let it go. Get a life. Or make a big sign and
    go picket against whatever is pissing you off. Just don't waste your
    precious energy agonising over stuff you can do nothing about. And if you
    can do something, then do it. Get involved. Play the game. Stop sniping from
    the sidelines. It serves no purpose, other than to increase your blood
    pressure, stress levels and the sales of alcohol and antidepressants. Read
    my lips as I say it again my boet: GET OFF YOUR BUT'S. Erase the word BUT
    from your daily dialogue and watch how your outlook on life will change.

    Then, if you are feeling adventurous, the next step is to consider occupying
    your tortured mind with something alternative, creative and uplifting, such

    1. Reading the book "A New Earth" by Eckart Tolle. Or if you prefer you
    could do like I did, buy the 8 CD set and listen to the book whilst driving
    your car. The traffic becomes so much more bearable my bru. Even the Taxi's
    seem less evil. That Eckart oke is one smart dude. Just ask Oprah.
    2. If you have not yet read "The best of 2008 newsletter" then click
    this link
    <http://www.sagoodnews.co.za/newsletter_archive/the_best_of_2008.html> to
    read a wonderfully written summary of the positive aspects of last year from
    a SA perspective. It is extremely well written and very uplifting.
    3. If you have broadband, and an even broader mind, Google "Zeitgeist -
    The Movie" and watch it. Especially part 3, where you will see an
    interesting take on the reason for the current global economic meltdown. If
    you don't have broadband, visit someone who does boet. Make a plan. To view
    the movie, click here.
    4. Help someone less fortunate than you. Give away a little money, or
    some of your time, or even some of the old useless **** cluttering your home
    and life right no. Get verlig my bru - it feels kwaai!
    5. Eat a little less red meat - cow farts screw up the atmosphere and
    you will feel lighter and may have less chance of getting colon cancer
    later. If you need more motivation, read the bestselling book "Fast Food
    Nation" by investigative journalist Eric Schlosser. It's scary but true.
    6. Adopt a stray pet. It will love you unconditionally, something we
    should all learn to do.
    7. Read the book "Fifty facts that should change the World." by Jessica
    Williams. But be warned - it's quite mind blowing. Truth can be stranger
    than fiction.
    8. If you are white, consider visiting a non white township and go see
    for yourself how the majority of our country lives. It is truly an awesome,
    eye opening and uplifting experience. Check out the Sangomas, Shebeens and
    Street Life. Seriously now. Most of our township residents visit the white
    areas regularly. So why should we not reciprocate and visit them - at least
    once? Who knows, you may even find my laptop there.
    9. Go to Google images, type in "Solar System" and check out the actual
    size of our sun relative to the earth. It really puts things into
    perspective. Or even easier, just click this link.
    10. Also at Google images, type in Hubble Telescope and look at some
    pictures of the 100 billion or so other galaxies out there, beyond our Milky
    Way / solar system. Try to see your / the world's problems in the bigger
    context of the huge universe. Or click this link
    <http://www.godandscience.org/love/tourjs.html> for an amazing slideshow of
    the Hubble pictures.
    11. Find someone to hug. Your partner, kids, family, friends,
    colleagues, neighbours, dogs, cats or rats. Hug them often my bru, tightly
    and appreciatively. It is the greatest gift that you can ever give and
    12. Start each day by thinking about or writing down all the things that
    you are grateful for. Then try to accept life's curved balls without
    judgement. Gratitude and acceptance are hugely powerful transformational
    13. Get out of your rut. Adopt a practise to help you find more peace of
    mind. Actively investigate ways to connect to the still space within you.
    Find ways to change your inner world, and you will notice how the outer
    world immediately changes for the better.

    In conclusion, I will leave you with a few beautiful lines written by
    Alberto Villoldo PH.D, from his book "The Four Insights:"

    "To be a sage means that when you look around you, you see only beauty. You
    will come to understand how everything you experience is a projection of
    your inner landscape or dream. This means that nothing ever happens to you,
    since you're the creator of each event and incident in your life. So you
    never need to fix anything in the outer world - if you want to transform
    some circumstance that appears to be outside of yourself, you just need to
    own it and change it within!"

    Look after yourself my boet. Till next time - totsiens!

    Stay close to the centre of the cyclone. It's always calm in there.

    With Love


    mark@markberger.co.za <mailto:mark@markberger.co.za>

    Mark Berger Training - Cape Town South Africa <http://www.markberger.co.za/>
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  3. Boegie


    Posts: 1,371
    27 Jan 2010
    Likes Received:
    East London

    I am bumping this as "I am feeling it, it is here."
  4. jacquesb

    jacquesb Retired Moderator

    Posts: 17,868
    29 May 2007
    Likes Received:
    Cape Town

    LOL Crispin! Awesome man! So - what do YOU think of this? (You must like it - to be posting it). BUT, you not in SA anymore! ??!?!?!?! ;)
  5. crispin

    crispin Thread Starter

    Posts: 12,223
    22 Jan 2008
    Likes Received:
    Lilliehammer, Norway

    lol JB, have a look at the date i posted that :) but its still a good read LOL.
  6. jacquesb

    jacquesb Retired Moderator

    Posts: 17,868
    29 May 2007
    Likes Received:
    Cape Town

    I saw the date ;)

    I was just still wondering what you felt about it - now that you nearly "true blood Norwegian"!;)
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